there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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