false alarm. still invincible.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize