You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
