So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
