dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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