Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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