my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
