apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
