used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
