would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
