Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We are all done wearing pants today
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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