This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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