Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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