u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
