I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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