we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
