I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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