i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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