i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
