Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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