I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
