oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
