Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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