I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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