guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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