Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
