coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
