Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
