Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
