Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
