The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
