Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
