quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
