my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
