so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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