those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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