i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
