You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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