woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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