so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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