True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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