oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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