Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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