Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
