she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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