WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
