I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Green mimosas i think yes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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