I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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