She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
