She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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