you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
