Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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