youre lurking in front of me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
