the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
