i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
