I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
