It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
