Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
