TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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