perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
