Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
