Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
