The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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