I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
