i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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