I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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