Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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