If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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