ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
