Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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