neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
