When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
