i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
