i wish my penis had a tongue
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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