My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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