the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
