So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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