i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
