There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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