I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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