Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My penis needs a shock collar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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