i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
