he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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